I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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