I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
