at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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