Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
