doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
