he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
