he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
