went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
