I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
