Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize