I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
