So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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