i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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