It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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