I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
