Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's official drugs can't kill me
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
