So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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