I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
