2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
