yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
