Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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