you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
