24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
