im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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