My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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