I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
