We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
