i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
