he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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