Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
