Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
