so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
