I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i believe in u and ur pee
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