Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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