I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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