Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
