I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
