OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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