You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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