The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
