Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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