I wish I could teleport
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
