Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
