I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
