theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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