i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
