seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
