i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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