yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
