he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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