Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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