I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
