id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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