My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
