If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
