im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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