I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
