i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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