so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
