If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
