they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Let's get the cat blown out
you made out with another girl for some wings
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
