he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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