marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
