So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
