My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
