i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
