When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
