He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
