Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
