My sheets look like a crime scene.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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