JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
