.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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