he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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