She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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