My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
