I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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