Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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