Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
