Me too!
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
