You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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