if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
