She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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