i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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